Forever In Your Arms

2011-04-08T19:29:00.002-05:00

To Write Love On Her Arms

Pedro the Lion is loud in the speakers, and the city waits just outside our open windows. She sits and sings, legs crossed in the passenger seat, her pretty voice hiding in the volume. Music is a safe place and Pedro is her favorite. It hits me that she won't see this skyline for several weeks, and we will be without her. I lean forward, knowing this will be written, and I ask what she'd say if her story had an audience. She smiles. "Tell them to look up. Tell them to remember the stars."

I would rather write her a song, because songs don't wait to resolve, and because songs mean so much to her. Stories wait for endings, but songs are brave things bold enough to sing when all they know is darkness. These words, like most words, will be written next to midnight, between hurricane and harbor, as both claim to save her.

Renee is 19. When I meet her, cocaine is fresh in her system. She hasn't slept in 36 hours and she won't for another 24. It is a familiar blur of coke, pot, pills and alcohol. She has agreed to meet us, to listen and to let us pray. We ask Renee to come with us, to leave this broken night. She says she'll go to rehab tomorrow, but she isn't ready now. It is too great a change. We pray and say goodbye and it is hard to leave without her.

She has known such great pain; haunted dreams as a child, the near-constant presence of evil ever since. She has felt the touch of awful naked men, battled depression and addiction, and attempted suicide. Her arms remember razor blades, fifty scars that speak of self-inflicted wounds. Six hours after I meet her, she is feeling trapped, two groups of "friends" offering opposite ideas. Everyone is asleep. The sun is rising. She drinks long from a bottle of liquor, takes a razor blade from the table and locks herself in the bathroom. She cuts herself, using the blade to write "FUCK UP" large across her left forearm.

The nurse at the treatment center finds the wound several hours later. The center has no detox, names her too great a risk, and does not accept her. For the next five days, she is ours to love. We become her hospital and the possibility of healing fills our living room with life. It is unspoken and there are only a few of us, but we will be her church, the body of Christ coming alive to meet her needs, to write love on her arms.

She is full of contrast, more alive and closer to death than anyone I've known, like a Johnny Cash song or some theatre star. She owns attitude and humor beyond her 19 years, and when she tells me her story, she is humble and quiet and kind, shaped by the pain of a hundred lifetimes. I sit privileged but breaking as she shares. Her life has been so dark yet there is some soft hope in her words, and on consecutive evenings, I watch the prettiest girls in the room tell her that she's beautiful. I think it's God reminding her.

I've never walked this road, but I decide that if we're going to run a five-day rehab, it is going to be the coolest in the country. It is going to be rock and roll. We start with the basics; lots of fun, too much Starbucks and way too many cigarettes

Thursday night she is in the balcony for Band Marino, Orlando's finest. They are indie-folk-fabulous, a movement disguised as a circus. She loves them and she smiles when I point out the A&R man from Atlantic Europe, in town from London just to catch this show.

She is in good seats when the Magic beat the Sonics the next night, screaming like a lifelong fan with every Dwight Howard dunk. On the way home, we stop for more coffee and books, Blue Like Jazz and (Anne Lamott's) Travelling Mercies.

On Saturday, the Taste of Chaos tour is in town and I'm not even sure we can get in, but doors do open and minutes after parking, we are on stage for Thrice, one of her favorite bands. She stands ten feet from the drummer, smiling constantly. It is a bright moment there in the music, as light and rain collide above the stage. It feels like healing. It is certainly hope.

Sunday night is church and many gather after the service to pray for Renee, this her last night before entering rehab. Some are strangers but all are friends tonight. The prayers move from broken to bold, all encouraging. We're talking to God but I think as much, we're talking to her, telling her she's loved, saying she does not go alone. One among us knows her best. Ryan sits in the corner strumming an acoustic guitar, singing songs she's inspired.

After church our house fills with friends, there for a few more moments before goodbye. Everyone has some gift for her, some note or hug or piece of encouragement. She pulls me aside and tells me she would like to give me something. I smile surprised, wondering what it could be. We walk through the crowded living room, to the garage and her stuff.

She hands me her last razor blade, tells me it is the one she used to cut her arm and her last lines of cocaine five nights before. She's had it with her ever since, shares that tonight will be the hardest night and she shouldn't have it. I hold it carefully, thank her and know instantly that this moment, this gift, will stay with me. It hits me to wonder if this great feeling is what Christ knows when we surrender our broken hearts, when we trade death for life.

As we arrive at the treatment center, she finishes: "The stars are always there but we miss them in the dirt and clouds. We miss them in the storms. Tell them to remember hope. We have hope."

I have watched life come back to her, and it has been a privilege. When our time with her began, someone suggested shifts but that is the language of business. Love is something better. I have been challenged and changed, reminded that love is that simple answer to so many of our hardest questions. Don Miller says we're called to hold our hands against the wounds of a broken world, to stop the bleeding. I agree so greatly.

We often ask God to show up. We pray prayers of rescue. Perhaps God would ask us to be that rescue, to be His body, to move for things that matter. He is not invisible when we come alive. I might be simple but more and more, I believe God works in love, speaks in love, is revealed in our love. I have seen that this week and honestly, it has been simple: Take a broken girl, treat her like a famous princess, give her the best seats in the house. Buy her coffee and cigarettes for the coming down, books and bathroom things for the days ahead. Tell her something true when all she's known are lies. Tell her God loves her. Tell her about forgiveness, the possibility of freedom, tell her she was made to dance in white dresses. All these things are true.

We are only asked to love, to offer hope to the many hopeless. We don't get to choose all the endings, but we are asked to play the rescuers. We won't solve all mysteries and our hearts will certainly break in such a vulnerable life, but it is the best way. We were made to be lovers bold in broken places, pouring ourselves out again and again until we're called home.

I have learned so much in one week with one brave girl. She is alive now, in the patience and safety of rehab, covered in marks of madness but choosing to believe that God makes things new, that He meant hope and healing in the stars. She would ask you to remember.

Planned Parenthood Exposed

2011-03-16T16:57:00.000-05:00

I have one question..."How can people be so naive to let this happen....why don't they use protection or other things like birth control if they really don't want a baby to "Ruin" their life....because aborting a fetus (baby) is murder. yea sure it hasn't been born and hasn't taken a breath yet and you haven't seen the fetus yet but still the fetus is living. It's a baby. Even if it's your body you had the choice to have sex, to use protection or birth control and or not to have sex, but once you became pregnant, you don't control your fetus. That baby is a human being. It is a person and they need to have the chance to speak. So the sooner that this world starts to understand this and comprehend it, we will be much better off. Because you are easily killing the next president, someones future spouse, or the next Albert Einstein. Just think about it. You have already had the chance to live....let your baby have a chance.

LOVE WINS - Rob Bell

2011-03-13T21:11:00.000-05:00

Photographs & Memories

2011-03-13T19:24:00.003-05:00

March. . . that is one month I used to always love to hear because it meant the sounds of birds and hearing the snow melt and watching as the sun would take longer and longer each day to fall to sleep. Spring....I loved this time of year because of all of the smells and the flowers and everything about it, but now it just brings me to remember that I haven't seen Adam in another month, another day, a minute, and even a second. It's a numbing feeling, knowing that time is not stopping, instead it just keeps pressing on. I know I need him back, I need him here. I stumbled across a song by Jason Reeves called "Photographs and Memories" and I love it.

Eric Ludy - Depraved Indifference

2011-01-07T16:40:00.001-06:00

My Reasons For Posting This:
-It's Powerful
-It's Important
-It's Noble
-It's Courageous
-It's Brave
-It's Moving
-People Need to Hear This.

What if that was your child on the road, left there abandoned? He was hungry, he was tired, he was weak, he is starving to death, what would you do? Would you try to claw through cement thick walls with your bare hands if you had to? Would you call upon all of your friends to have them go to him and be a father to him? I would. How could any man(any person) do this? How could a person not ache, how could someone not want to vomit their heart out for not helping with this. We have a disease, and that's sin. We see children homeless, poor, hungry, starving to death, clotheless, shoeless, abandoned across the country and we can go to sleep that very night and sleep fine. We should be so moved that we have to find any way possible to get to those children and love them. We need to love those children. They are GOD'S CHILDREN. They are His sons and daughters. Our brothers and sisters. We need to help them, because they need to be loved. They need to be wrapped up into your arms and never let go. Only a person without their heart would not care to do anything to help these children. Let me ask you again, do you care? Do you want to help? If you do care than help them. Love them. Adopt.

What would you do if this was your baby?

Paintings I Love

2010-12-28T18:35:00.000-06:00

Sophia Tolli | Item View

2010-12-28T16:47:00.000-06:00

Sophia Tolli | Item View

2010-12-28T16:46:00.001-06:00

Sophia Tolli | Item View

2010-12-28T16:46:00.000-06:00

Sophia Tolli | Item View

Journal Entry # 1

2010-12-15T16:24:00.004-06:00

Well, I have decided to start a little journal entry thing on here....who knows how long I will keep it going but here it goes. This will be the first ever.

This morning I was getting ready for school, and I decided to check my email because I get these little daily emails from KLOVE (a christian music radio station) and they send me a daily Bible Verse of the Day. I read today's verse and I thought why not write it on my blog. . . So here it goes:

Today's verse comes from: Ephesians 2:8 (New Living Translation)
-“ God saved you by his grace when you believed.
And you can't take credit for this; it is a gift from God. ” -

I think we all take God's Grace for granted at least once in a while... I know I do at least. I hear so often that when someone gets complimented, on how they did such an amazing job singing or playing basketball and they get complimented on how well they did with their free-throws, they take the credit of this talent, or gift. They will say "Thanks!" or sometimes they say "Thanks, I try :)" I think this world forgets so many times that we don't own those gifts, or that we don't deserve them. God gave us those special talents, and gifts and we all know what they are...whether you have an amazingly gorgeous voice, or if you are the fastest cross-country runner in the state, or even the fastest swimmer for the 200 freestyle, or whatever...the point is we ALL have some special talent/gift. We all know it, but the fact is that we never send that compliment to the one who really deserves it. We never say back to that person "Thanks, but I didn't do this, God did...he just created me and gave me this talent because he wanted me to succeed, so God deserves this compliment." we really should say this, but somehow we can never muster this up out of the pits of our guts. It just stays there and we take the credit, even when we don't deserve it. I always wonder when someone will do this. I know i have only once said that...but I felt so good after-wards. I know for myself I don't take compliments very well because I just don't know how to respond. I also know that I shouldn't be taking the credit, so I just blow off the compliments...I don't deserve them. I think more of us need to thank God for our wonderful gifts, because they are wonderful.
I know I might have gotten off topic but I think this relates to this verse by saying we shouldn't take credit for God's gifts...or even take them for granted.

Also, since it is the holidays I am going to bring this up....God's Love: He died on the cross to save us (the world) from our sins. He doesn't want to see us in pain. He knows that we may not deserve his love, but He is so desperately trying to give us this gift and some of us are just saying "NO" to His gift. That hurts him so much. Imagine you were going to give your bestest friend in the whole wide world the most thought out gift and you had spent so much time trying to pick it out and put your touch into it and you spent so much money on it and so much time paying it off and you couldn't return it and you wanted your friend to have this gift. You wanted to give that gift to your friend more than anything else in the world because you knew what their face would look like once they opened it up. But what if you had it all wrapped up perfectly with that bow on top of the box just right and you brought it to your friend, and your friend said "NO, I CAN'T TAKE THIS...I DON'T DESERVE IT. THANKS, BUT I DON'T DESERVE THIS WONDERFUL GIFT." How would you feel? Pretty bad, I bet....I bet you would feel like your heart was just ripped out of your body and smashed to the ground as if it were a sheet of ice and it broke into a million pieces. You wouldn't feel so good. You would be like, "what just happened, why did they reject my gift?" Now lets go back to your friend, lets see what they think....They are probably thinking, "I don't deserve this, its perfectly wrapped and the bow is just one the box just right and he probably spent so much time picking it out for me and it is probably the thing I have been waiting for all my life but it is too good to be true. I can't take it." If you actually knew the reason you probably would be like what!!! I picked it out for you because I knew you would love it and It was you and I wanted to see your face when you opened it cause I was so excited to give it to you and you said no to it and I don't care if you don't deserve it, but I want to give this to you. I know you may have talked behind my back and talked smack about me, but I still Love You, and I want you to accept this gift. Your friend doesn't know how much it hurts you to see her reject your gift and you don't know the reason why she won't accept your gift. This is kind of like God desperately wanting us to accept his gift. He has been trying to give it to us for years, and year after year we are still rejecting it. . . saying we don't deserve it, and we're right. We don't deserve his love or grace...but he desperately wants to give it to us because he wants to see our faces after we accept it (open it) because he knows it is going to change our lives. He wants us to all be his children. He wants us to all feel loved. But it is up to us and only us to accept this Love. He is not going to force it down our throats because our God is a loving God. He gets hurt when we don't accept his gift but he still tries and wants us to have it. He wants us to lean onto him when we hurt, or when we are in pain or trouble. He wants us to seek him...our heavenly father, our heavenly daddy. So it's up to you... What will you do? Accept or Reject his Love? It's almost Christmas time, and you know what that means... it represents Christ Jesus' Birth. The day he was born, the day that would represent the rest of his life until he was crucified on the cross with nails pounded into his wrists and ankles and with a crown of thorns that laid upon his head and then when he would be risen up from the grave three days later. So I urge you this Christmas to accept His Love once and for all. Once you have accepted God is never going to leave you, no matter how far you stray from him...he is always with you. After all it's almost Christmas and He wants to see your face light up and your life change after you accept His gift. So please just consider it. Thanks for listening, and to anyone who cares...I am leaving tomorrow morning for a family vacation...it's not going to be complete with Adam gone but I really need warmer weather and a break from life. See ya!

PHOTOS

2010-12-15T16:02:00.004-06:00

PHOTOS

2010-12-03T18:35:00.012-06:00

....New Photos.....

2010-11-20T14:43:00.008-06:00

...SLEIGHRIDE...

2010-11-20T14:35:00.004-06:00

SLEIGHRIDE by: Relient K

Just hear those sleigh bells jingling
Ring-ting-tingling too
Come on it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you

Outside the snow is falling
And friends are calling yoo hoo
Come on it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you

Just hear those sleigh bells jingling
Ring-ting-tingling too
Come on it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you

Outside the snow is falling
And friends are calling yoo hoo
Come on it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you

Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, let's go
Let's look at the snow
We're riding in a wonderland of snow
Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, it's grand
Just holding your hand
We're gliding along to the song
Of a wintry fairy land

Our cheeks are nice and rosy
And comfy cozy are we
We're snuggled up together
Like two birds of a feather would be

Let's take that road before us
And sing a chorus or two
Come on it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you

Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, let's go
Let's look at the show
We're riding in a wonderland of snow
Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, it's grand
Just holding your hand
We're gliding along to the song
Of a wintry fairy land

Just hear those sleigh bells jingling
Ring-ting-tingling too
Come on it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you

Outside the snow is falling
And friends are calling yoo hoo
Come on it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you
Oh yeah, it's lovely weather
For a sleigh ride together with you

.....Just thought I would share this with whoever reads my blog. Snow started to fall today and its finally sticking to the ground! It has put me into CHRISTMAS MODE! I am so excited!!!

My Journal Entry.............

2010-11-01T20:30:00.002-05:00

Hello there,

once again I find myself writing on my blog site. Sorry it has been a while since i last wrote, but I have been busy. I know that's a bad excuse, but its my type of an excuse. Anywho, let's get back to this entry. Since I last wrote, I have been shivering, thanks to good old North Dakota. I was recently accepted into the Mixed choir for the Northwestern Music Festival 2010. This will be my third year in this festival. The previous two years, I have been in the Women's Choir. I think I am ready for a new experience, so this will be good. My sister and I have recently taken some of a friend's senior pictures, for her Grad Invites. It was pretty fun. I recently, as in a couple weeks ago, went to Fall Retreat. Fall Retreat is a retreat for Sr. High kids to go to. It is normally in the Fall, hence "fall" in Fall Retreat. This is pretty much just a get away almost, and a way to catch up with friends from the camp we went to in the summer. I love Crystal Springs Baptist Camp! well I can't think of anything else right now to post, but tomorrow, Wednesday, and Thursday, I have The North Dakota State Assessment test:( so please pray for me. My brain will be fried by the Wednesday for sure!

2010-10-25T20:10:00.004-05:00

Photos

2010-10-13T14:41:00.021-05:00

--THOUGHTS--

2010-09-27T21:45:00.002-05:00

Things that pop through your mind:
-Why does it constantly seem to rain in North Dakota?!?!
-Will it be sunny tomorrow?
-How warm is it outside?
-What are we doing in Anatomy today?
-Why am I always sick!
-What time is church tomorrow?
-Why am I talking to myself?
-Man, this ring is super cute!!
-Brrrr....it's cold outside.
-I love sunflowers!
-I am tired.
-So sleepy am I.
-Well, I think I must be up past my bedtime!
-Goodnight!
-yuck why do I have to get up this early?!
-This is so terribly boring.
-Well I quit!

Just some random things that pop into my mind....so yea. Comment if you want, or if you care, or if you even just want to say hello, or hi. Or even What is up Dawg! lol

Savage Attacks in Congo Go Unreported for Months

2010-07-27T18:12:00.000-05:00

Savage Attacks in Congo Go Unreported for Months This is an insane article....strongly encouraged to read....I still can't believe how people can be so cruel.

The Whole World Is Mine

2010-07-12T20:38:00.010-05:00

Just a photo shoot my sister Abby and I did today. These are just some of the photos she took of me. I absolutely love them!! I just thank the Lord Jesus Christ for his amazing beauty and his nature. It makes amazing backgrounds.

The Butterfly Song

2010-07-12T18:52:00.000-05:00

The Butterfly Song. One of the random songs we made up at camp. So much fun. Love it!

Brooke's Fishy Face

2010-07-12T18:49:00.000-05:00

Brooke making her super cute fishy face, while we were at Sr. High Camp at Crystal Springs Baptist Camp. I love that place. We had the greatest time ever!

Prayer

2010-07-02T22:37:00.002-05:00

Lord, you never said things were going to be easy. In fact you said the exact opposite. You said that things were going to be hard, that people were going to fall away from you. You said that you would return one day, and take us with you. Lord I just pray that day is coming soon. The pain of loosing my brother is killing me. Lord I ask you to forgive those that need forgiving. I pray that those who will fall away from you, will come crawling back, and that you will embrace them with you loving arms. That part I know because you never turn your back on you sheep. Lord I also ask that I will be able to set an example of you for others to see. I want people to see me, and think "wow she has Christ in her, and it shows" I want people to notice. I don't want to be a hypocrite like so many of us so called "christians" are. I want to show your love to those who are in desperate need of it. I want to help spread your word. Lord I know you don't need us. You never have, but you want us. You desperately want us. You don't want to lose one of your lambs, you want to keep all of them in your sight. Lord we are you children, and you are our father. Our heavenly father. Lord, I love you, and I will lift your name on high from this day forward, till the last breath my body will draw. I promise this. With love, Yours truly, Allison.

She & Him - In The Sun

2010-06-03T13:29:00.000-05:00

She & Him is a fresh new band starring Zoey Deschanel (She) and M. Ward (Him). The two musicians perform wonderfully together. They have a couple music videos out, and I would encourage you to watch them. The music videos are quite something, and so is the music.

Eet - Regina Spektor

2010-06-03T13:12:00.001-05:00

Okay this is another AMAZING video by Regina Spektor. I felt the need to post it because number 1: I am in love with it 2: simply amazing 3: Regina is awesome

LYRICS: It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song
You can't believe it
You were always singing along
It was so easy and the words so sweet
You can't remember
You try to feel the beat

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet, eet, eet, eet
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeteeet, eet, eet, eet

You spent half of your life trying to fall behind
You're using your headphones to drown out your mind
It was so easy, and the words so sweet
You can't remember
You try to move your feet
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet, eet, eet, eet
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeteeet, eet, eet, eet

Someone's deciding whether or not to steal
He opens the window just to feel the chill
He hears that outside a small boy just starting to cry
'Cause it's his turn but his brother won't let him try

It's like forgetting the words to your favorite song
You can't believe it
You were always singing along
It was so easy and the words so sweet
You can't remember
You try to move your feet

It was so easy and the words so sweet
You can't remember, you try to feel the beat

Regina Spektor - Samson

2010-05-31T21:55:00.000-05:00

Okay, so I thought I would share this video with you because I absolutely LOVE IT! Regina Spektor is just simply amazing. I also really like "The Call" and "Us" by Regina. I also thought I would share you a comment that I got from one of my many friends "Only having one song by Regina Spektor is like taking only one bite of the best chocolate cake you've ever had." That would just be a bummer if you only had one bite of the best chocolate cake ever. I know I would be sad, especially since I love chocolate! So my advice to all of you Regina Spektor fans is that you buy all of her songs. I love them all.

A.J. Photography

2010-05-31T18:42:00.001-05:00

Photography business that my sister and I run. Our website is http://www.aj-photos.com/
so check it out if you get the chance.

Tenth Avenue North - Love Is Here

2010-05-26T21:34:00.001-05:00

Healing Begins Journal

2010-05-26T21:33:00.001-05:00

Start confessing.

Tenth Avenue North

2010-05-26T21:28:00.003-05:00

Don't know if you guys have heard about this band but their music soothes my soul. It lifts my spirit. Every now and then I have decided that I will post some of their music videos and their video journals, because I think the world would do good if they heard God's word, and Tenth Avenue North does exactly that. So here is the first video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNpw-kCUEtk&NR=1

-WDA-

2010-04-10T21:01:00.002-05:00

WDA...most of you know that you have to do superior or Star to go to state. Well I was in a duet, 2 ensembles, and my solo. Duet: Santa Lucia. Ensemble 1: Brushstrokes. Ensemble 2: Seal Lullaby. Solo: Batti Batti O Bel Masetto. I had a solo in my Brushstrokes ensemble and I thought that went very well. We sang in the sanctuary so none the less I was excited for that song, but we had people replace other people the day before WDA because the people we needed to replace had failing grades or they had detention. Seal Lullaby I didn't think that we would star because there were so many conflicts with people in that group. Santa Lucia I was doubtful on if we would make it to state, and we didn't. My solo however went just terrible. Right before my performance I blanked out on like the first page of words, but when I performed I only messed up 2 phrases because I switched them around. That caused me to mess up the second page. After the 2 page of that song I nailed it. I should state it right now that I have never ever had such a disappointing performance in my life. I was AFRAID, not nervous, just afraid. Next year however I am going to NAIL my solo. Whatever it takes, I will. I have to. I need to. I must. I need to prove that I can do this. I mean I hate it when I can sing and yet other people can't and yet those other people somehow make it to state, and even though I mess one stupid part up I don't make it to state. UGGH! Well the past is the past, it is now time to look at the future, and change it. I need to go to state next year. After all, I only have two years left to make it to state.

-QUALITIES-

2010-03-27T13:59:00.002-05:00

Quality: noun, 1.an essential or distinctive characteristic, property, or attribute. 2.character or nature, as belonging to or distinguishing a thing. 3.character with respect to fineness, or grade of excellence. 4.characteristics of anything you think has a characteristic is a quality.

Qualities are much needed to describe things. You can set limits to things that have certain qualities, and if they fit what you want than go for it. I like to set a boundary for guys. I don't want a guy who isn't a christian, because I believe we should be equally yoked. I have certain qualities I want in a guy. If they don't fit them than I don't go for it. I think many people should want certain qualities in guys so they won't get hurt, and or so they don't have to "settle". I know I don't want to just settle, I want The PERFECT Man. :)

so don't just settle...because you can do better than what you think. Go For It.

-March-

2010-03-13T20:35:00.003-06:00

--Whale--

2010-03-12T22:07:00.002-06:00

The amazingly cute Whale I drew tonight when I was at the church for worship team practice. It's a kick butt whale!

Alice in Wonderland

2010-03-06T21:29:00.004-06:00

Very very different. The Queen of Hearts is based from Ann Boleyn's sister Queen Mary. She was always saying "off with their head". Ironically, if I remember right, she also died from execution.

The Mad Hatter is based from the phrase "as mad as a hatter." As mercury was used in the process of curing pelts used in some hats, it was impossible for hatters to avoid inhaling the mercury fumes given off during the hat-making process. Hatters and mill workers often suffered mercury poisoning as residual mercury vapor caused neurological damage including confused speech and distorted vision; hat-making was the main trade in Stockport, near where Carroll grew up. It was not unusual then for hatters to appear disturbed or mentally confused; many died early as a result of mercury poisoning.

the Mad Hatter asks a notable riddle: "Why is a raven like a writing desk?" When Alice gives up, the Hatter admits he does not have an answer himself. Lewis Carroll originally intended the riddle to be just a riddle without an answer, but after many requests from readers, he and others, including puzzle expert Sam Loyd, thought up possible answers to the riddle. One possible answer is "Because Poe wrote on both"

Johnny Depp:
According to Depp: "I think he was poisoned, very, very poisoned, and it was coming out through his hair, through his fingernails and eyes."
Depp stated: the Mad Hatter is like "A mood ring, his emotions are very close to the surface".

-Love Happens-

2010-03-05T21:40:00.003-06:00

This is an absolute "MUST SEE" movie. Burke is a motivational speaker who's book about dealing with grief is a best seller. His wife died in a car accident three years ago. He's in Seattle to lead a week-long workshop on healing and to negotiate a major multi-media deal. But something's amiss: he's a closet drinker, he won't ride elevators, his moods swing, he's estranged from his wife's father, and he's very much alone. In a hotel hallway, he bumps into a woman arranging flowers, tries to chat with her, and gets the brush-off. She's Eloise, a local florist who's just broken up with a boyfriend. He's persistent and they eventually go to dinner - it goes badly. What's blocking Burke? Can the physician heal himself.

Aaron Eckhart and Jennifer Aniston star in the romantic drama Love Happens. When a self-help author arrives in Seattle to teach a sold-out seminar, he unexpectedly meets the one person who might finally be able to help him help himself. Dr. Burke Ryan (Eckhart) is on the precipice of a major multimedia deal, but the therapist who asks his patients to openly confront their pain is secretly unable to take his own advice. Eloise Chandler (Aniston) has sworn off men and decided to focus on her floral business. However, when she meets Burke at the hotel where hes speaking, there is an instant attraction. But will two people who have met the right person at exactly the wrong time be able to give love another chance? As each struggles with the hurt of love and loss, they realize that in order to move forward, they need to let go of the past. And if they can, theyll find that, sometimes, love happens when you least expect it.

QUOTES
-Burke: I happen to know a thing or two about people. You get approached a lot. Probably have since the day you strapped on your first training bra. But you're smart, and you're creative, and you're caring and big... But, how come the guys only see the package it comes in, sure... you're flattered. But ultimately, ultimately it's tiresome because it has nothing to do with you. You were born that way, you can't take credit for it. Your insides though, that's yours. That's what you want someone to truly see. Even a stranger. Ergo... you fake a handicap. Rather than to have a conversation with a fellow human being. You prefer sign language? Fine.
[shows middle finger]

-Eloise: If you had a brain in either head, you'd know that I'm doing what's best for both of us.

-Eloise: Can I say something? And, and this comes from a place of total humility. With the acknowledgment that my life is a day-by-day experiment in... really bad decisions. But, er... you're really messed up.

-Burke: Funerals are important rituals. They're not only recognition that a person has died; they're recognition that a person has lived.

March...It's a sign of Spring...

2010-03-04T20:08:00.004-06:00

SPRING
-feeling the sun kiss your skin ever so slightly.
-smelling the scent of warmth.
-hearing the silent pitter-patter of the icicles melting and plopping themselves on the ground.
-walking outside while sloshing in the slush...melting snow...
-seeing the water trickle down the streets, down the curbs.
-watching it freeze again to ice, over night.
-beginning the process again.
-watching the the snow melt layer by layer showing the grass once again.
-a sign of summer.
-hearing the birds chirping.
-watching the trees start to blossom again.
-"Spring" to me is the meaning of "Hope"

-Sweet 16-

2010-02-28T21:52:00.002-06:00

Well it was my Sweet 16 today, and for the most part of it, it was good. I went to church and I was in the nursery because it was my day to help out. I came home and at 2 I went to my youth pastor's house and watched the Hockey Olympic game Canada vs. USA. We lost:( I came home at about 5 and then my family and I went out to eat at Applebees at 6. I ordered Ribs(yummy)! We talked to one of my brother's friends and my dad mentioned it was my birthday to him, he said happy birthday to me. Then when our waiter came my dad told HIM it was MY birthday. The guy came out like 5 minutes later with the Applebees staff and they sang me their version of Happy Birthday. In the restaurant their was the South Dakota School of Mines and Technology Guy Basketball team. One of their guys came over where they were singing to me and helped them end the song, and then he even SAID happy birthday to me! I was laughing so hard, tears were about to roll out of my eyes. My face was really red! Plus he wasn't bad looking...lol. Any ways that is how my birthday went about. So Happy Sweet 16 Ally. Another number in the life of a girl. Yay now lets start the countdown to 17.

-Oldies-

2010-02-27T20:45:00.025-06:00

I love these pictures! I was such a cutie(: I really miss those days, because they were carefree days with no worries, plus my brother was alive then. I think that when my generation has children, they will neglect taking pictures of their kids, and if they do they will just take and edit them. You can't edit pictures when they kids are little because that just takes the beauty away from it. A picture has to be captured, so it will capture the day, the time, the memory. Once you edit it, you take away the light you take away the true colors, and you change the memory.

-Drawings-

2010-02-27T20:32:00.020-06:00

Save A Place For Me-- Matthew West

2010-02-26T17:33:00.001-06:00

Don't be mad
If I cry
It just hurts so bad, sometimes
'Cause everyday it's sinking in
And I have to say goodbye all over again

You know I bet it feels good to have the weight of this world off your shoulders now
I'm dreaming of the day when I'm finally there with you

(Chorus)
Save a place for me
Save a place for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon
Save a place for me
Save some grace for me
I'll be there soon
I'll be there soon

I have asked the questions why
But I guess the answers for another time
So instead I pray, with every tear
And be thankful for the time I had you here

(Chorus)

I wanna live my life Just like you did
Make the most of my time Just like you did
And I want to make my home up in the sky Just like you did
Oh, but until I get there...
Until I get there...

(Chorus)

Cry Out To Jesus--Third Day

2010-02-26T16:53:00.002-06:00

To everyone who's lost someone they love
Long before it was their time
You feel like the days you had were not enough
when you said goodbye

And to all of the people with burdens and pains
Keeping you back from your life
You believe that there's nothing and there is no one
Who can make it right

Chorus

There is hope for the helpless
Rest for the weary
Love for the broken heart
There is grace and forgiveness
Mercy and healing
He'll meet you wherever you are
Cry out to Jesus, Cry out to Jesus

For the marriage that's struggling just to hang on
They lost all of their faith and love
They've done all they can to make it right again
Still it's not enough

For the ones who can't break the addictions and chains
You try to give up but you come back again
Just remember that you're not alone in your shame
And your suffering

Chorus

When your lonely (when you're lonely)
And it feels like the whole world is falling on you
You just reach out, you just cry out to Jesus
Cry to Jesus

To the widow who suffers from being alone
Wiping the tears from her eyes
For the children around the world without a home
Say a prayer tonight

Chorus

First time I listened to this song it literally made me cry. I am not talking about the few tears crying....I'm talking about the tears rushing down your face like your face was being brushed by a warm soft blanket, because it tickles you. It hurt, it hurt to hear it because I knew that it was basically my life. I have lost someone, and I miss them and I know I will never be able to see them again until I go to Heaven. I never even got to say "Goodbye" to him. I cry myself to sleep so many times that my pillow just gets soaked by tears. My eyes end up puffy in the morning and even stay like that for the rest of the day. People talk about what their brother has done or something, and I think..."wow I don't have a brother anymore."

"For anybody who has ever lost a loved one
And you feel like you had to let go too soon
I know it hurts to say goodbye
But don't you know it's just a matter of time till the tears are gonna end
You'll see them once again and in that moment

Every knee shall bow, every tongue confess
That God is love and love has come for us all
Every heart set free, every one will see
That God is love and love has come for us all"
--Mark Schultz--Love Has Come--

2/25/10

2010-02-25T20:01:00.003-06:00

Well my day went like this...I slept in through my alarm(not good) and then I got ready for school. North Dakota is SO cold! My fingers, I swear were numb for like 10 minutes when I got to school. I was freaking out because I needed to know my preterite form of my spanish verbs...I took my test and I think I only got like 2 wrong! But we'll see. After Spanish class I went to Geometry and during that class I was studying for my Science test that I had to retake after school, so I wasn't paying attention to the Matrix info on the board(: But now I suppose I should stop watching "Forrest Gump" and start on some homework....By the way I have another test in Science tomorrow! Aren't I Lucky?!? can't you hear the sarcasm:)

The Oldies

2010-02-25T19:42:00.019-06:00

Just some pictures of when I was a little girl. I was the baby of my family, therefore I am the littlest. Then my sister (Abby) was 2 years older than me, and Adam is 6 years older than me. Man, I wish I was a little girl again.

Winter '09-'10

2010-02-25T19:31:00.012-06:00

Just some pictures of me from this winter. My sister took these pictures. Her photography business is A.J. Photography. She has a blog her on Blogspot. The website address is ajphotography7.blogspot.com or you can see her wordpress address which is ajphotography7.wordpress.com so....if you are interested in having pictures ordered or taken by her, I strongly recommend it. Those are the addresses though.

Fall 2009

2010-02-25T19:11:00.028-06:00

Just some pictures of me from this fall, with my friend Stephanie Ann. The majority were me though lol:) My sister took these pictures. Her photography business is A.J. Photography. She has a blog her on Blogspot. The website address is ajphotography7.blogspot.com or you can see her wordpress address which is ajphotography7.wordpress.com so....if you are interested in having pictures ordered or taken by her, I strongly recommend it. Those are the addresses though.

I Will Always Come When You Call

2010-02-25T18:40:00.004-06:00

My Princess Bride,
I will always come when you call for Me, My love. Call out to Me as many times as you need Me, and I will come comfort you. I never tire of hearing your sweet voice address My name. When you heart is broken, I want to put all the pieces back in place for you. When you feel empty, I will fill you up again and again. When your spirit has been crushed, My love, I am here to revive your soul. Be assured, My Princess, I am always available to you anytime you need Me. Call to Me and I will answer.
Love,
Your Prince who is only a prayer away

WHY....

2010-02-23T20:35:00.003-06:00

Beauty. Beauty in my opinion is wonder. It is where you can't describe anything about the object rather than say its beautiful. Beauty is indescribable and it is relaxing and eases your mind. It can play tricks on your eyes and make you think it might not be beautiful. But it is. Everything is beautiful in its unique way. Beauty in itself is unique. A person's life is unique. My brother's life was unique. It was fragile. His life shouldn't have been played around with. He was cheated out of a life. No one should have their life suddenly taken away from them. Death can be suddenly un-expecting, people can know it's coming, whether it is and elderly person or someone who they already know is dying...but when it's a young person you never would expect it. I know I didn't. Adam Lee Nill died when he was only 21. He was my brother. My big brother. My only brother. How could God take him away from me, so suddenly? How could He make me suffer like this? Why is He doing this to me? Lord, Why? I wish I could go back in time. Back to last Christmas. My family and I were in Missouri. It would be our last family vacation. I saw his old-self again, the brother I grew up with...not a 21 year-old guy who was lying lifeless on a hospital bed on a Wednesday that was supposed to be Neon Day at school. Cold, still, lifeless. That was my brother. I still will ask WHY everyday...because I can't stand this pain.